Explanation of the Series
This 10-part series, “10 Important Conversations to Have with Your Kids,” provides parents with guidance on crucial topics to discuss with their middle schoolers. Written by family physician, Dr. Robin Dickinson, MD, each article offers background information, preparation tips, conversation dos and don’ts, and journaling prompts for both parent and child. These prompts can be used for journaling, writing assignments, or further discussion. Below is the list of topics Dr. Robin will cover.
- Nutrition & Healthy Eating
- Physical Activity & Exercise
- Sleep & Healthy Habits
- Online Safety & Digital Citizenship
- Body Image & Self-Esteem
- Puberty & Physical Changes
- Healthy Relationships
- Substance Use & Addiction
- Mental Health & Well-being
- Goal Setting & Personal Growth
The traditional image of “success” often involves climbing a corporate ladder, achieving a certain level of wealth, or attaining a prestigious title. But in today’s rapidly changing world, these outdated notions of success can be not only unhealthy but also completely irrelevant. This conversation isn’t about pushing your child down a pre-determined path; it’s about helping them discover their own unique talents, passions, and values, and empowering them to chart a course that’s right for them. It’s about fostering a growth mindset and encouraging them to explore the many facets of a fulfilling life.
The Foundation: Redefining Success
“Success” is a deeply personal concept. What one person considers successful, another may not. It’s crucial to help middle schoolers understand that success is not a one-size-fits-all concept. It’s not about conforming to societal expectations or achieving external validation. It’s about discovering what truly matters to them and pursuing goals that align with their values and passions. It’s about finding their “right fit,” whether that’s in a career, a hobby, or simply in the way they choose to live their lives.
You may need to do some soul-searching here yourself. Are you still holding onto a definition of success you may not agree with? What do you really want for your child? Why?
Exploring the Many Facets of Life
A fulfilling life is rarely defined by just one thing. It’s important to encourage middle schoolers to think about the different facets of their lives and what they want to achieve in each area. These facets might include:
- Relationships: Building strong connections with family and friends.
- Personal Growth: Continuously learning, developing new skills, and exploring interests.
- Physical Health: Taking care of their bodies through healthy habits and exercise.
- Mental and Emotional Well-being: Prioritizing mental and emotional health and developing coping skills.
- Community Involvement: Giving back to their community through volunteering or other activities.
- Creativity and Self-Expression: Exploring creative outlets and expressing themselves authentically.
- Career/Education: Pursuing a career or education that aligns with their interests and values.
The Importance of a Growth Mindset
A growth mindset is the belief that abilities and understanding can be developed through dedication and hard work. It’s about embracing challenges, viewing failures as opportunities for learning, and persisting in the face of setbacks. Cultivating a growth mindset is essential for personal growth and achieving long-term goals.
In my family, we call this “think like a scientist.” Any time something doesn’t work out, we’ve learned something that we can use in the future.
Identifying Strengths and Areas for Improvement
Help your child identify their strengths and areas for improvement. Encourage them to explore different activities and interests to discover what they are passionate about. I like to think of this as if we were each a backpack that someone packed for a trip. If you look inside the backpack, you can make some good guesses about where they might be going and what they plan on doing there. Each person is also packed with a mix of values, interests, skills, and more. By opening up this “backpack” and taking a good look at it, you can make some good guesses about where someone might be going in life. Literally no one was surprised that I became a teacher!
I also encourage students to think about what kind of life they hope to have. Do they want to live in the city, suburbs, or a rural area? Do they want to travel for work or stay at home? Do they want a regular schedule or are random hours okay? Do they want to be home for dinner every night? Do they want to be able to work part-time or take a long leave for family reasons?
It’s important to emphasize that someone can be talented or skilled in an area and not need to make it their career. They can explore it as a hobby, a volunteer opportunity, or simply something they enjoy doing in their free time. In fact, many people have found that they lost their love of a particular hobby once they made it their career.
Parent Preparation: Reflecting on Your Own Goals
Before talking to your child, reflect on your own personal goals and how you achieve them. Consider how your own experiences and beliefs about success might influence your child. It’s important to approach this conversation with an open mind and a willingness to listen to your child’s perspective.
Conversation Tips: Guiding Exploration and Setting Realistic Goals
Help your child identify their passions and interests. Ask them what they enjoy doing, what they are good at, and what they are curious about. Encourage them to try new things and explore different possibilities.
Most teens list one of just ten careers as their goal and a large number of them have no idea how to reach that goal. Help your teen to explore the huge range of careers available. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics has amazing online resources to consider careers based on a large number of different factors. While they do have resources intended for K-12 students, I prefer the Occupational Outlook Handbook. You can shop for a career the same way you might shop for a new fridge online. Choose the educational requirements, income, and more and see what comes up. Then, try changing some of the variables. It will usually come up with a list of a dozen or fewer jobs for any particular combination out of a database of over 800 options. Click on a particular occupation and learn all the stats, job description, work environment, and more- (https://www.bls.gov/ooh/).
Once your child has come up with a few ideas of careers that appeal to them, come up with some ideas for things they can do to further explore their interests and develop skills that would help them later.
Avoiding Pitfalls: What to Avoid
Don’t set unrealistic expectations for your child. Avoid comparing them to others or pushing them down a path they are not interested in. The goal is to support their individual journey and help them discover their own definition of success.
We all want what’s best for our children and often think we know what’s best but only our child can live their own life. Remember that each child is an individual with their own unique talents, dreams, and perspectives. By embracing their individuality and celebrating their unique journey we empower them to define their own version of success.
If you have serious concerns about the path they choose, rather than tell them why they are wrong, encourage serious exploration of the career they are interested in as well as some viable alternatives. If you have valid concerns, actually looking at the reality of the career should help your child understand what they are getting into.
Journaling Prompts: Charting a Personal Course
Here are some journaling prompts for both you and your child to further explore these topics:
For your child:
- Describe what you want your life to be like when you’re grown up. What does a typical day look like? Where do you live? Who is around you?
- What is important to you?
- What are some things you’ve done where you felt really good about what you were doing?
- Are there any careers or aspects of your future that you’re curious about and would like to explore?
For you:
- What are my own beliefs and values about success?
- How can I support my child’s exploration of their interests and skills?
- What are some ways I can model a growth mindset and a balanced approach to life?
- How can I help my child define success on their own terms?
By having open and ongoing conversations about goal setting and personal growth, you can empower your middle schooler to discover their own unique path to a fulfilling life. Remember, it’s not about achieving someone else’s definition of success; it’s about helping them create their own.
This is the last week of the series, but make sure to go back and read any you missed and watch the newsletter for the next series of articles!
